I broke up with her for a woman who was like a Sex and the City character come to life. After a few months of phone calls, I flew to the East Coast to go on a four-day make-it-or-break-it date. Exactly as I pulled away from the darling girl who would have done anything for me, Miss NYC pulled away from me. This means that you’ve been married, so you don’t feel the need to do it again.
When pressed, she said I had 90% of what she was looking for – but didn’t feel the necessary attraction to start a long-distance relationship. You’ve had two kids, so you don’t hear the ticking clock.
I speak from personal experience when I mention that I have broken up with some of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. She had everything on my checklist — smart, silly, cute, good family, stable job, etc.
What she didn’t have — what I really needed at the time — was a backbone.
In other words, you have nothing about which to panic. Suitors will continue to line up well into your 30’s. Loads of us are still single because nice isn’t enough for a long term relationship.
BUT…Your independent “I don’t need anybody” attitude is counterproductive. For that to work you also need fun, interesting, stuff in common.
In short, a guy doesn’t have to be a jerk to do well with women. And while I hate to keep on referencing old blog posts, some of them apply specifically to this theme, especially this one, which says: Nice guys don’t finish last. By your admission, he “calls, writes me letters, texts, takes me out, does family outings, asks about my day, washes my car, is clean, is fit, responsible, understanding, compliments me, etc, etc.”So what do you think? Or is there something more to dating and relationships than what someone does for you? And I think they get lost when we start focusing on checklists.
I just got the sense that I’d win every argument for the rest of our lives because she was such a pushover.
And that wasn’t something I either respected or was attracted to. I think the X-Factor is that you’re a 28-year-old single mom.
As for what you should do with this guy, it sounds to me like your mind is already made up. Staying with him when your heart’s not in it is doing neither of you any favors.
Just recognize that you’d actually like this guy more if he pulled away more and cared about you less.
Abusive Men: Top 10 Signs of an Abusive Man Abusive men are often survivors of abuse themselves.