We saw each other every day and one night I asked him, "Are you my boyfriend? I felt a comfort and happiness that I'd never known before. I won't get into the specifics of my relationship because I know what it's like to read something and compare my love to someone else's projection of theirs.
One that didn't require me to remain cold and detached. That's silly and stupid and everybody is different. We had a vacation planned to his hometown, where he was planning on relocating in a few months.
If you had told me a year ago I was going to be engaged and moving to the other side of the country, I would have LOL'd in your face.
I had already executed an exhausting move* from Brooklyn to Nashville, and I thought I was done with change for a very long time.
I was planning to buy a house and start a business in the years to come.
I had a car for the first time in my life, and within a few months of relocating had created a really comfortable life.
Everything in my life was about to change, and I was drinking a lot. I hadn’t seen or thought about him in nearly a year. My name is Elena.”He turned to me, looked me up and down, and said, “Hey, yeah…I remember you. We told them to meet us at the Chapel of the Bells at 7PM. We didn’t have a long engagement full of planning and stress to throw a lavish wedding for a guest list that is entirely too big.
He’s single right now.”I said, “I’m not single...” And my friend said, “Yeah, but your man is 6,000 miles away, and all you do is fight.” Or something along those lines…So I walked up to him and introduced myself. I remember him being handsome and polite…But that’s about it. I was single and going on way too many Tinder dates. Around 3AM he walked me home and kissed me goodnight. We got dinner, walked around downtown, then he showed me his place. And having grown up in Reno, an elopement wasn’t out of the ordinary. And it wasn’t something I was willing to put myself and my future husband into debt over. Our friend said “Will you guys just get married already? It isn’t about how long you’ve been together, it’s about the foundation you’ve built together, right? My dad remarried very quickly after my parent’s second divorce, and then passed away when I was 17. I think that is because of the precedent that we have set for our relationship early on. [Mostly because we are both stubborn assholes.] I promised myself a long time ago that I would get married once and only once.
My best friend/roommate/soul sister was moving indefinitely to Austria. He said, “I’ll call you soon.”I said, “No, you’ll call me tomorrow. I went home super late that night because I had to nanny early the next day. Since we knew that we wanted to get married, the next question was…I knew that he was the one. ”So we tried to elope that night, but it was 2 in the morning and the wedding chapel was closed. [This was easy for us to decide because we both felt the same way about one another. He grew up in a stable, modest home, and he has a wonderful family. My needs were always met financially, but emotionally, my life was exhausting. I felt safe with him knowing that he grew up in the way I wished I had. I want to give my children what I never had growing up…emotional stability, consistency and parents who love and respect one another.
It’s just that…some stories are more culturally accepted as normal.
We met late in the summer of 2013 at a mutual friend’s BBQ. Going to that wedding with him, made it very clear to me that I was in love with him. I don’t really know how to put our connection into words. I never really dated a guy that had similar interests as me, had similar style to mine, or that would be considered as ‘my type’. There was one thing that really struck me about him… Since we had so many mutual friends, it was the people around who adored him. You’re then in a constant power struggle for the upper hand in the relationship.
We were both in unhealthy, on & off, long term [and long distance in my case] relationships. We both knew the couple getting married so it wasn’t awkward. When I was around him I didn’t think about anyone else, I didn’t want to look at my phone, and I didn’t think about how the life I had known for the last four years was falling apart right under me. I was constantly being told how great of a guy he was and how much he was admired by people that I knew and trusted.“Elena, if you elope…I will cut you a fat check.” My dad was a wonderful man, but he had terrible luck with women. You decide to stay together because you are inconvenienced by the thought of starting over with someone new.