Ask not only about their conviction but about the circumstances that led up to their choice. I personally would suggest meeting someone with a little bit of time left. You can find a jewel anywhere, anywhere at all – but just like when you’re at a garage sale, be careful. Extra time gives you the best opportunity to get to know them and solidify whatever foundation you can. If you imagine the person’s return to society to be easy, or the time with them while they’re in prison to be easy, maybe change your perspective. If you’re locked up and getting more locked up [put in solitary], that is a sign. If they’re in for robbery and going to the hole [solitary] for stealing food from the chow hall, that’s a clue. An inability to be accountable or responsible, combined with poor decision-making, should be further clues. If you don’t mind this, great, but know to inquire ahead of time so you at least have a head’s up on this. In the absence of conjugal visits in most states, how do you know if you’re sexually compatible?
Give yourself a minimum of three or more months to get to know this person. That may enable you to withstand the weight that goes with their return to society. Be mindful that a lot who are getting out have little to no money, and if they do, their immediate goal will most likely be to get situated and stabilize their self. The response from friends was funny when I showed them this. There are opportunities in here to better one’s self. Phone conversations and erotic letter writing are ways to gauge if a spark exists.
To keep your sanity and dating future intact, live in the present.
Remind yourself that real feelings take time to develop and relationships need room to blossom.
You know, things like wait X number of days to call a guy back, don’t sleep with a man before X number of dates, never be the first to say “I love you,” and so on and so on. Living a life with hard rules doesn’t allow flexibility.
You need to know how to use and modify rules based on your personal beliefs and what will directly work for you.
It is so important to have that talk as soon as possible and to continually update that. It’s also a way to discern what other issues may be at hand. If they are reluctant to show you their approved visiting list, is there a reason?
You’ve listed all of the pros and cons and have ultimately decided, why not? Are the restrictions on your time, energy, emotions and other areas of your life limiting your desirability in “normal” dating situations?On my own journey and along the journey of my clients and readers, I’ve learned some rules that never seem to fail anyone.